“But no matter how I attempted to deconstruct sex outside of marriage, I still felt that this change in my standards would result in me putting an unhealthy amount of expectation on that man to marry me. I knew that I would feel all those years of waiting were cheapened. Because, for me, sex holds an intense emotional and spiritual association.
I didn’t know all this until I questioned. And now, the only way I can envision having sex with someone is in a safe and committed context. This has also led to the more recent realization that I needed to revise my sexual boundaries in dating.”
Image source and article: http://sojo.net/blogs/2012/04/16/spirituality-and-sexuality-deconstructing-boundaries
I really wish this is the kind of advice that the church would have given me about love so many years ago. This, instead of the really unhelpful, shame-based teaching on purity culture that I got.
“There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.”
Image source and article: http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/01/12/john-steinbeck-on-love-1958/
(A response to this post: http://rachelheldevans.com/blog/sex-and-the-path-of-holiness)
I linked to RHE’s post yesterday and found this critique to be on point. The (long overdue) discussion around Christianity and sexuality is getting really interesting (and I mean that in the best way possible).
“The thing is, Rachel is still saying that sex should be saved for marriage, just like I was taught growing up. And so I have to ask—why? Why should sex be saved for marriage? I don’t personally see any conflict between premarital sex and things Rachel describes above—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and loving one’s neighbors.”
I can’t believe stuff like this is still happening. (And I believe every word of it because I’ve seen stuff like that happen… to me.)
Image source and article: http://arealrattlesnake.com/2013/03/23/spiritual-abuse-why-i-left-campus-crusade-for-christ/
Written primarily to/for women, but this is unisex advice.
“Do Manhattan apartments just happen to people? Not usually, no… Keep dating. Make an effort. Risk rejection.”
Image source and article: http://jezebel.com/fuck-fate-and-date-like-a-grown-up-472976491
Teach consent, empathy, self-awareness. Start young.
“Keep talking about sex and consent with teens as they start having serious relationships. Yeah, they’ll tell you they know it all, but continuing the conversation about healthy consent, respecting our partners, and healthy sexuality shows them how important these themes are to you. It also normalizes talking about consent, so talking openly and respectfully with partners becomes second nature to teens.”
Image source and article: http://goodmenproject.com/families/the-healthy-sex-talk-teaching-kids-consent-ages-1-21/
“Slate took a look at various studies comparing the same person wearing different colored clothes and each time, red was the most successful color.”
Image source and article: http://gizmodo.com/5991809/you-should-wear-a-red-shirt-on-your-online-dating-profile