OMG, so many amazingly good quotes in this article:
This isn’t to say I’ve stopped believing marriage marks an important boundary for healthy sexual activity. However, I find my parameters not through a checklist of don’ts, but by discovering who and what God calls us—as embodied souls—to be and do.
I’m convinced that the best thing the church can do to encourage holy living is to help us follow Jesus, not a spouse.
I don’t need rules about (not) having sex: I need the church to help me reject the lie that desire is the most important thing.
…I’m not waiting—for a spouse, for sex, for my own little nuclear family. I’m learning what it means to be a Christ follower, distinct from the patterns of the world, active in service, in relationships with others.
Read full article here (highly recommended): http://www.themennonite.org/issues/16-10/articles/An_orientation_for_single_sexuality_The_dos_of_purity
selfish sex can occur within a marriage, too. Some people firmly believe they have the right to someone else’s body once they are married. Some pastors (ahem) even teach that. I would rather that two unmarried people have sex that honors one another’s autonomy than that two married people treat each other’s bodies with disrespect.
Image source and full article: http://unchainedfaith.com/2013/10/14/the-opposite-of-christian/
But throughout his book, he dehumanizes women, voyeuristically using them as sermon illustrations, making assumptions about their lives, and even, at one point, implying that women who have/want sex outside of marriage are “cheap” and “easy.” (Full context: “She [the woman in Song of Songs] is fully in control of herself and she is not cheap and she is not easy.”)
Image source and full article: http://diannaeanderson.net/blog/2013/10/rob-bell-is-not-a-progressive-a-6-years-late-review-of-sex-god
In short, whereas the posts on sexual salvation, made a case for knowing one’s self (specifically one’s sexuality), here Farley states that in loving the concrete reality of another, we must love the totality (the reality) of who that person actually (concretely) is. And, of course, that includes loving and respecting the totality of the other person’s sexuality – their sexual needs, desires, and boundaries.
Full article here: http://trybestpractices.wordpress.com/2013/09/27/a-justice-based-sexual-ethic-part-1/
The purity movement had millions of young earnest Christians believing that their sexual thoughts and experiences could separate them from God’s love. This was the heart of the lie and the heart of the violence to sexual and relational health. This is the first place of healing. NOTHING separates you from the love of God. Rom 8:38-39.
Image source and article: http://blog.tinaschermersellers.com/2013/08/15/the-naked-truth-about-the-christian-purity-movement/
“But no matter how I attempted to deconstruct sex outside of marriage, I still felt that this change in my standards would result in me putting an unhealthy amount of expectation on that man to marry me. I knew that I would feel all those years of waiting were cheapened. Because, for me, sex holds an intense emotional and spiritual association.
I didn’t know all this until I questioned. And now, the only way I can envision having sex with someone is in a safe and committed context. This has also led to the more recent realization that I needed to revise my sexual boundaries in dating.”
Image source and article: http://sojo.net/blogs/2012/04/16/spirituality-and-sexuality-deconstructing-boundaries