Singles and the Church: Why It Sucks to be Unintentionally Overlooked

The books that are offered to singles often try to convince us that we need to be thankful for the gift of singleness, a stance that can make us feel ashamed of the grief we might feel. Or they are books that give us formulas on how to get married, which often sends the message that we have to get married to arrive as a human. These books for singles are often written by married people, which again gives us mixed signals on the validity of our life experience.


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John Steinbeck on Falling in Love: A 1958 Letter

I really wish this is the kind of advice that the church would have given me about love so many years ago. This, instead of the really unhelpful, shame-based teaching on purity culture that I got.


“There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.”

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Rachel Held Evans: Missing the Mark on Sexual Ethics

(A response to this post:


I linked to RHE’s post yesterday and found this critique to be on point. The (long overdue) discussion around Christianity and sexuality is getting really interesting (and I mean that in the best way possible).

“The thing is, Rachel is still saying that sex should be saved for marriage, just like I was taught growing up. And so I have to ask—why? Why should sex be saved for marriage? I don’t personally see any conflict between premarital sex and things Rachel describes above—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and loving one’s neighbors.”


Giving Up Singleness?

Part three of my recent blog series. This one actually (finally) ends on an optimistic note.

“I’m not saying I’m going to emerge from this lenten season with a girlfriend, but I am saying that I am NOT going to let fear get in the way of trying. It’s me versus Clubber Lang and I’ve gotten my ass beat by him before, but that was then and this is the rematch.

Doubt is staring me down, saying, “I’m gonna bust you up.”

And I’m saying, “go for it.”

Image source: Adam Foster

OK Cupid: An Exploration Into Just How Low Some Guys Will Go


From the article:

“I wanted to make this so idiotic and unappealing that no one in their right mind would show interest in this girl. If you are hitting on her after reading her profile, you have no interest in anything intellectual whatsoever.”

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