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Jerk Cats Love Stealing Dog Beds [VIDEO]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/13/jerk-cats-love-stealing-dog-beds_n_4093467.html

I try to resist sharing dog/cat videos (as if the internet needs any more of those) but this one is just too good not to post.

Sadly, dogs are too polite for confrontation and resort to halfhearted pleas with their feline occupier. On the other hand, it appears as if the cats couldn’t care less.

DogBed

Click through to see the video: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/13/jerk-cats-love-stealing-dog-beds_n_4093467.html

The Bimbo and the Tomato – A story Using Slang Phrases From The 1920s

http://thoughtcatalog.com/nico-lang/2013/09/59-quick-slang-phrases-from-the-1920s-we-should-start-using-again/

Click through to the article to translate.

Once upon a time, a bimbo (also known to be something of a cake-eater) asked out a tomato who some thought to be a cancelled stamp or a Mrs. Grundy, but was actually a choice bit of calico and hotsy-totsy with nice bubs. His egg friend warned him, “don’t take any wooden nickels,” but he just replied, “phonus balonus!”

At first he thought he’d take her to a rub but changed his mind and invited her to a petting pantry instead. She accepted and they went out the following night.

After the movie, they hit up a bar where he ordered some panther piss and she got giggle water. As a result, he got spifflicated and she, zozzled. In this state he told her he had to iron his shoelaces but in reality, he had to pull a Daniel Boone. Even in her ossified state, she knew what he was up to and said, “bushwa!”

Realizing that she was a bearcat, he really started to fall for this sheba, and being quite the Oliver Twist, he asked her to dance. Once on the dance floor, they started making whoopee but the cheaters wearing bouncer, who was a wurp and a bluenose, yelled, “bank’s closed!”

At this point, the four-flusher of a man, realized he didn’t have enough mazuma so he told her, “let’s blouse!” She knew her onions and took one last jorum of skee before hearing the bouncer yell, “go chase yourself!” The man gave her a quick cash just as they made a quick exit and drove away in his darb hayburner.

The end.

flickrdeflam

Click here to see the full list: http://thoughtcatalog.com/nico-lang/2013/09/59-quick-slang-phrases-from-the-1920s-we-should-start-using-again/

Exploding Toilet Sends Brooklyn Man to the Hospital

http://gizmodo.com/exploding-toilet-sends-brooklyn-man-to-the-hospital-1443520495

(Kinda puts a whole new spin on explosive diarrhea.)

“When the water was turned back on, the pressure caused a burst of air that came up through the pipe,” the building co-op’s lawyer Theresa Racht told the New York Daily News. “It was totally unexpected. We’re looking into whether this was preventable or a one-time fluke.”

toilet

Image source and article: http://gizmodo.com/exploding-toilet-sends-brooklyn-man-to-the-hospital-1443520495

Burrito Rant By Blogger ‘Lucky Shirt’ Is Hilariously Over-The-Top (NSFW)

https://medium.com/comedy-corner/fd08c0babb57

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

burrito

Image source and article: https://medium.com/comedy-corner/fd08c0babb57

H/T: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/10/burrito-rant_n_3901277.html